i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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