I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
