Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
