coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
