i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
