I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Randomize
