Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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