And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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