i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
