they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
