I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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