bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
