I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
