What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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