Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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