There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
