I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
