i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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