I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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