Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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