So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
