Sorry, I don't speak sober.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
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