now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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