So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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