I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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