i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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