Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
