I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
