"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
