doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
