1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
