she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
As shirtless as possible
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
