I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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