Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
