dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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