her facebook's as public as her vagina
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
ttyl tear gas
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
