He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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