Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
