one might say we're banned from that church
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Randomize
