Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
being pregnant is like rehab
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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