she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
