Your face is a jimmy john
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Success! We fucked roommates!
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
