Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Randomize
