I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
