I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
