R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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