My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
