so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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