What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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