pop tarts are not kleenex
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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