He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
