Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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