Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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